I get a lot of questions and requests emailed to me by my friends. Among the many things that  I find myself answering over and over again through the years is this little question about the opposite sex – “Bella, how I can tame my husband or my boyfriend so he could be more into me?”

My friends know I’m happily married to a man that has a very strong character; whose chosen  profession keeps him on high alert and working at a level of stress that can affect his family relationships easily. However, he’s content in the nest I’ve created for us, and although he’s commanding at work– at home, he is happy to give me my ‘crown’. At the same time, he praises me and shows me affection and unconditional love – how have I accomplished this?

The first rule is one you are not going to like, ladies. The main rule to tame your man is to accept him for who is right now. This means no nagging, no scolding, no looks that could kill. Accept your man as he is – with all its flaws that bother you. It is the only way you can level the playing field and be able to take this relationship where you want to go. If the man feels that he is always criticized, he will start seeing you as an enemy, and as someone that he can not trust. Conversely, if he thinks that you accept him for who he is and that you love him unconditionally, he is more open to receiving your advice—thereby creating an open doorway that you can potentially go through in order to get what you want.

The second rule: Appreciate the things he does now. Doesn’t send flowers? (but he’s a good father) Does not whisper sweet things in your ear? (but never misses dinner time at home with you) Becomes impossible when the “game” is on? (but has no vices). Find the good things that you like about him and wouldn’t want to see change. Start to praise him for these virtues BIG TIME! This will not only help you remember the good things in your relationship, but it will help him feel like a better man, one that is appreciated by you.  Studies have shown that the biggest reason a man is unfaithful is because he doesn’t feel appreciated—so praising him for the good things he does now will only perpetuate happiness in the relationship.

The third rule: Transference. This rule is really just rule number two—taken the distance. Start telling your beloved just how important he is to you. Explain that when you’re away at work, all that you can do is think about how your favorite place to be is right next to him, just watching TV.  Tell him how you can’t wait to be next to him because that’s your safe zone, and there is nothing better than when the two of you are together (he might look at you as if you’re crazy at first, but trust me, THIS WORKS!) Tell him he’s your best friend – that no one in the world could take his place. Pour it on. THICK.

The fourth rule: Pat him on the head. Did you know patting someone on the head gives you the position of power? (Like our parents patted us when we were children – or as you would pat a puppy’s head) The next time you’re cuddling, pat him on the head in a loving way, mixing it with gentle strokes. Your mate will subliminally interpret this as you having the power position. The man needs to feel pampered and protected – and when intimately caressed this way, he will transfer his trust to you over his body and being.

The final rule: Ask him for things in a low voice. Men hate the loud pitch a woman can make when she’s angry or in a hurry—it makes them feel belittled, and they tend to run from a woman like that – and many times they run straight into the arms of someone else. So from now on, ask him things quietly.  You can make it sexy or you can make it girlish. Try to hug him or caress him when you are asking for what you want in this low tone—and you’re sure to succeed. The reasoning behind this is that men can argue with logic all day long, but they fall short on how to argue with feelings, so if you’re making him feel good, he will argue less about giving you what you want.

Lastly, as the daughter of my mother, if the above does not work as fast as you would like, as the Queen of Salsa,Celia Cruz, once sang – “mix a brew of lemon, mint and brown sugar without shame”… but those tips, ladies, are for another article altogether! (hehe)


If you’re in a relationship with an abusive partner or if your partner has a problem with alcohol or addiction – these tips are not for you. If you are in a relationship with these types of issues, please seek appropriate professional help.  These are not your problems to fix alone, because there is nothing that you’re doing wrong to begin with!


Mira que me preguntan cosas ustedes mis amigas!  Entre las tantas cosas que hace anos me encuentro respondiendo una y otra vez, nunca falta esta preguntita del sexo opuesto– “Bella, como puedo dominar a mi marido o a mi novio para sentirme yo mas en control de nuestra relacion?

Mis amigas que me conocen saben que estoy felizmente casade con un hombre de caracter fuerte, cuya profesion lo mantiene en alerta y en un nivel de estress que puede afectar a sus relaciones familiares. Sin embargo, el esta feliz y tranquilo en el nido que le he formado; y aunque el manda en su trabajo, en nuestro hogar, se siente feliz de darme mi “corona”. Al mismo tiempo, me alaba y me demuestra carino y amor incondicional– como he logrado esto?

La primera regla no les va a gustar, damas.  La regla PRINCIPAL para domar a un hombre requiere aceptarlo tal y como es. Esto quiere decir no pleito, no reganos, no miradas que matan.  Acepta a tu hombre tal y como es– con todo y sus defectos que te molestan.  Es la unica manera que puedes nivelar el terreno para poder llevarlo a donde quieres.  Si el hombre se siente que siempre lo criticas o que no lo quieres por como el es, te va a ver como una enemiga– como a alguien en cual el no puede confiar.  Al contrario, si el piensa que lo aceptas y lo quieres incondicionalmente, estara abierto para recibir tus consejos, y lo prodras empujar que tome el camino que tu quieras.

La segunda regla:  Aprecia las cosas que el hace ahora.  No es detallista?  (pero es buen padre?) No te dice cosas bonitas? (pero nunca falta a la cena) Le gusta ver demasiadolos juegos de futbol y se pone imposible? (pero no tiene vicios).  Encuentra las cosas buenas que el tiene y empieza a alabarlo EN GRANDE por esas virtudes!  Esto no solo te ayudara a recordarte de las cosas buenas de tu relacion, pero tambien lo hara a el sentirse como mejor hombre, y se sentira que es apreciado por ti– algo que cuando falta en una relacion, da paso para la infidelidad.

La tercera regla:  Tranferencia.  Es tomar la segunda regla y llevarle un poco mas lejos.  Empieza a decirle a tu amado lo tan importante que el es para ti. Explicale que durante el dia no vez la hora de poder llegar a su lado (aunque al principio te mire como si te volvistes loca– haganmen caso, FUNCIONA!) Dile a el que el es tu mejor amigo– que no hay nadie en el mundo que ocupe su lugar.  En fin, derramale amor a versos.

La cuarta regla: PASALE LA MANO.  Sabes que pasarle la mano a alguien por la cabeza te da la posicion de poder? (como nuestros padres nos la pasaban– o como se la pasamos a un cachorro o a un gatito).  Cuando esten en su nido, pasale la manito por la cabeza, acariciandolo frecuentemente asi.  Esto le dara la interpretacion (internamente) de que tienes pocision de poder.  El hombre necesita dejarse mimar y proteger– y en el momento intimo de acariciarlo de esta manera, el te transferira confianza con su cuerpo y su ser– algo que tu necesitas para poder domarlo.

La regla final– Pidele las cosas en voz baja.  Los hombres detestan la voz alta y quebrante de una mujer cuando piden algo de una manera poco femenina.  Tienden correr de una mujer asi– y muchos corren alos brazos de “la otra”.  Asi que de ahora en adelante, voz baja.  La pueden hacer sexy o de nina (a mi esposo le encanta cuando le hago la vocesita de nina– como me ve una mujer capaz a fuerte– me dice que le da gracia y se derrite). Se coqueta! Ya veras que rapido sedera a tus pedidos!

AL FIN, siendo hija de mi madre, si lo de arriba no funciona en el tiempo adecuado, como decia la Reina Celia Cruz –“hechale limon y menta y azucar prieta a ese sin verguenza!” Pero ya esos consejos son para otro articulo!



(Si te encuentras en una relacion con una pareja abusiva o que tiene algun problema con adiccion– estos consejos  que estoy dando  no son para ti. Si estas en una relacion con estos tipos de problemas, lo menos que te debe de interesar es dominarlo– pues hay algo mas fuerte que esta jugando en la relacion, y tienen que buscar ayuda profesional adecuada. )


I’ve been fat. I’ve been skinny.  I’ve been blonde.  I’ve been brunette.  And everything in between.


Through all the ups and downs, the lows and the highs, there has been one true thing throughout– the passion in my love life.   Many women hold the misconception that you have to look a certain way to be happy in a relationship, and have a fulfilling sex life– I am living proof that such an idea is false.

As time goes by, you add those fine lines and things that start going south– and you quickly want to start becoming friends with the local plastic surgeon– and although I hold nothing against procedures if they help you with your self confidence, I have seen a lot of friends lose their “natural” beauty to the knife.

I received a great deal of mail this week that  focused one way or another on questions regarding feeling sexy in the bedroom– when you might not feel so sexy in the mirror. It seems that there are a bunch  of you that are giving up being intimate with your mate because of your lack of confidence. BIG MISTAKE!


Some women (especially those that are in the media limelight) have focused their energy on staying fit and healthy– and pumping out 3-4 hour Pilate sessions a day, while eating a mountain of grass to keep them thin.  If that’s you– I am jealous!  With four kids and about 400 jobs, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to go the “spinning class”  — my spinning gets done at home running after my four year old, and my nutrition sometimes revolves around chicken nuggets and rice crispies.  It’s not great– but its REALITY!

So how have I maintained a spark in the bedroom through the doom and the gloom times?  Here are the 5 secrets that have helped me maintain my self confidence:


1.  The Right Scent.  Mom taught me this decades ago– men perceive a woman’s weight to be up to 12 pounds lighter when she wears a floral-spice fragrance. When a woman wears a citrus and spice scent, studies show she feels more sensual, so the perfume may affect her behavior and thus indirectly increase her attractiveness.  And there has been some good news reporting claims that the smell of cinnamon can boost male erection.  I have used all of the above to my benefit, and maintain them in my daily routine.


2. The White T-Shirt. Men are visual creatures. Here’s a new way to catch his eye that I discovered: Toss on a t shirt and slip into the shower with him (spring break style)– what it boils down to: security for you– wet t-shirt fantasy for him.


3. STOP RUSHING! Take the time to lovingly enjoy each others body (in case you haven’t noticed– odds are he’s been aging right along with you and might be having some body issues of his own.) Exchange sexy compliments, you will feel more connected to him and as a result, more secure in yourself.


4. Candles.  Mood lighting goes a long way– not only is candlelight flattering– you can train your brain (and his) to see them as a signal that its time to have fun.  Studies show that conditioned arousal helps override self-confidence.


5. Love Your Period.  Yes– your period.  Not only is it a fact that you feel “thinner” right after your period, but a rise in testosterone during this part of your cycle increases your desire to initiate sex, and a spike in estrogen can make you feel more confident (sexually).  Use this time to your benefit and keep active with your guy– it will keep you from falling into a rut.


A woman has the right to reinvent herself– or not.  Whatever shape you are, whatever “gift wrapping” you were delivered in, makes absolutely no difference to the treasure that’s inside you.  And ladies, make no mistake about it, it’s that little “treasure” that he’s most interested in, so stop keeping it to yourselves! Give it up to your guy– you’d be surprised how these little steps will help you break out of your shell!




Ask Bella– Well… ANYTHING!

So many of you have been following me on Facebook, Twitter or through my website at http://www.bellabardot.com; emailing me important questions on finding ones inner goddess and balancing work, love life, children and happiness– that I have decided to compile my letters to you in this blog.

I’ve been blessed with a caustic tongue and an irreverent wit– I don’t mind telling my friends EXACTLY what I feel about relationships– and how I see the male/female dynamic.

Having lived quiet a bit, and coming from a family of wives who started all the old wives tales, I love to pass along the knowledge I have collected through the years.
So here’s my blog– ask Bella Bardot anything….

P.S.  Just like in my real life, I live in Spanglish– speaking my mind in both English and Spanish!


Muchos de ustedes me han estado siguiendo en Facebook, Twitter o a través de mi sitio web en http://www.bellabardot.com;  enviandome  correos electrónicos con  preguntas importantes sobre  la búsqueda de nuestra “diosa” interior y  como encontrar el elequilibrio entre el trabajo, la vida amorosa, los niños y la felicidad.  He decidido entonces recopilar mis cartas a ustedes en este blog.

Después de haber sido bendecida con una lengua cáustica y un sentido de humor irreverente – No me importa decirle a mis amigos exactamente lo que siento acerca de las relaciones – y como yo veo la dinámica entre los hombres y las  mujeres.

Después de haber vivido un poco , y de venir de una familia de mujeres que comenzaron todos los cuentos de adas, me encanta pasar  los conocimientos que he recogido a través de los años.
Así que aquí está mi blog – preguntale a Bella Bardot…. lo que quieras!