men-women-understandingOK. I’m going to state what I know goes through a lot of your heads.

Most of you know I own a bodycare line based on ancient recipes (yes, some are love potions) and some of you know of my endeavors on TV and in the media. Some may also be aware of a book that will be coming out soon that I’ve penned about relationships.

But what seems to be on everyone’s mind is HOW.

How I’ve managed to be in a long-standing relationship with a man who has one of the most difficult jobs (translate that into difficult character) and yet be wooed constantly by online male friends and fans with no end in sight, without it affecting neither my  home life nor my business persona as a “modern muse”.


And guess what? It has nothing to do with physical attributes or personality.

Before I give you the SECRET I need to give you background on information I have gathered on the male gender.

The hormone called testosterone actually causes the male brain to be more focused on goals and feelings of control.  As a result, men tend to focus more on various “missions” than on women.

While women are more likely to define their lives based on the current status of their relationships, men have a tendency to give greater importance to whatever mission they are on.

A mission can be anything from gaining recognition at work to finishing repairs on a motorcycle. The various missions he strives for will change over time. When something is wrong men want to fix it, they don’t want to talk about it.

At this point any demands from anyone (his mother, his girlfriend, or whoever) to explain himself will not create positive feelings.

Men value their freedom intensely.  Men like to feel in control. The moment you try to shift this control from his hands he will pull back farther.

OK. So now that you understand the core concept here’s my SECRET to keeping male attention, and it’s what I like to call Bella’s Butterfly Effect.

Butterflies are beautiful.  Do you know what makes them even more beautiful? They rarely linger long enough to satisfy our desire to gaze at them.  They happily move along in their pursuit of other flowers and other nectar somewhere nearby, but not as close as we’d like.

To use the butterfly effect correctly, you must do three things.

1) Make sure he understands he is SECURE in your relationship with you (let him know you find him sexy, that you can’t wait to be with him)

2) Give him his FREEDOM. He needs to be the one in control, let him have it his way. Give him all the space he needs by not pursuing him after you make him aware that you are there for him.

3) Let him miss you, so that he feels POSITIVE ANTICIPATION AND LONGING TO BE WITH YOU.

Ultimately, our longing for any given person is based on the emotions we experience when we are in their presence.  If he feels a little bit of lust, excitement, happiness, interest, intrigue and fun when he is in your presence, you have a winning combination. You’ll intoxicate him, and he’ll only want more.

So the underlying formula for getting a man to want you more comes down to how you make him feel when he’s in your presence.

In real life all of the above may translate to this scenario: when he pulls away or becomes distant, you answer with a brief check-in to deliver a batch of freshly baked cookies or a sexy text, mentioning that you can’t stay long (or talk) because you have a plan to meet up with several of your friends to watch a good movie at the theater.  Be busy and somewhat elusive.

He will come to you faster when he senses that you are off having a good time living life.  He will be drawn to you, and you will have bypassed one of the most common causes of relationship decline by not demanding answers from him when he wants to pull away.

Now these are not “games” or “tricks”. They are shortcuts to a loving and fruitful relationship. The faster we as woman understand that men are innately different creatures that don’t react or feel the way we do about things, the faster we will learn to interact with them.

Most happily married and committed couples already behave in this fashion and the women use these techniques without thinking about it because they are confident in themselves and love their partners.

Loving someone is not just a feeling.  It’s also a choice.  There is a lot of beauty in relationships that involve sustained, purposeful effort to actively love a partner, even when life gets stressful.

Now go be that beautiful butterfly, and see how your man won’t be able to do anything else but watch you in amazement. Beautiful-Butterflies-3-yorkshire_rose-12069551-1024-768-Bella

How to Use Words to Stir Up or Reclaim Your Sex Life (EXPLICIT)


“It’s about seduction, power, ego, conquest, accomplishment, and validation. It’s about knowing he’s rendered you defenseless against his magnificent dong and incredible sexual knowledge. It’s the satisfaction that he can deliver. It’s the pride he takes in making ladylike you lose all control in the bedroom. IT IS NOT about candlelight and music. It’s about dirty f*cking. Sorry.”

Did you know that there is something such as  verbal Viagra? It is the ability to arouse a partner with words, literally. I will teach you four simple steps to being able to arouse your man with words, using an emotional “tapping” technique where at any given point, you can give your man an erection of which he has no control over. Doesn’t that sound amusing?

First of all… let me give you some background. It amazes me how we have so many liberal thoughts in this “modern age”—but when it comes to sex—some women still are (and some are expected to be) in the dark ages.

I have four children. I currently have twenty members to my immediate family. My grandmother had 11 brothers and sisters. Guess what? The women in my family enjoy sex. Where do you think all the children come from, a cabbage patch?

Part of my job is to keep discussions going amongst my friends, men and women alike, to gauge thoughts on a certain topic. Sadly, a great deal of women have lost their sexual connection with their partners, sex having become a chore. This is not surprising because from the time women are little ladies, they are taught that ladies “behave a certain way”. They are told that boys never marry the bad girls, and that good girls end up not only with the husband, but with the happy home. No wonder we associate enjoying sex with failure.

Here’s the deal: the REALITY is that those same little girls grow up. Their hormones change, and their personalities expand. What the heck are they then supposed to do with all the “feelings” of desire—their natural response as taught to them since they were young is to suppress them. Instead, I offer this solution…

First and foremost get over it. By now, you’re married, or in a committed relationship. Your husband or partner knows you’re not a whore.

Secondly, learn to COMMUNICATE your language of desire. We are sexual beings full of energy and passion. Let it out. It’s OK to initiate sex and communicate your inner desires… ESPECIALLY to your partner who is supposed to support and share a friendship with you above all else. Get out of that comfort zone of baking cookies or paying bills. Stop being his mother—he already had one—BE THE LOVER HE THOUGHT HE WAS GETTING.

Now, let’s get to the details of using verbal Viagra. There are many forms of communicating to accomplish the verbal Viagra response, but my favorite is texting. One of the greatest inventions has been the ability to text. It gives a shy woman the ability to separate herself a little from the use of embarrassing “dirty” words. It also allows for the control of the environment. I will explain further.

Have you ever had sex where you “upped the ante” just a little—had sex in a forbidden place, or a forbidden time (when the in laws were in the next room)? The added excitement builds the release and makes the act much more enjoyable. Using sexually explicit texts in a situation where you cannot act on them works in a similar way.

STEP ONE: Choose A Situation.
You need to be together where there are other people near you and its not easy for you to rush off and have sex.

– a social gathering or a party
– a group dinner
– a sporting event

It could be anything. The important detail is that you are somewhere where you can make direct eye contact and use your phones without drawing too much attention to yourselves. If he has a habit of turning his phone off or down, make sure you casually make yourself to him and tell him to check his phone.
STEP TWO: The First Message

Hit him like a TON of bricks. Don’t hold back here—it is important to take the carpet out from underneath him. Compliment how sexy he looks, or compliment him on something he did in the past.

– “You look hot in that shirt.”
– “That suit makes you fucking sexy.”
– “You looked sweaty and delicious after your workout”
– “Your ass looked good this morning when you hopped in the shower”
Expect your man to look at you like you’ve gone nuts—but LOOK FOR THE GRIN… I promise it will be there. Then wait a few minutes before you send the next text. Watch how he will rapidly grab his phone with curiosity.
So now that you have his attention, turn up the heat to get him physically aroused. “Do you want to see what you have done to me—wink if so.”

Now send him a series of texts (whether he winks or not—remember, he is caught off guard, so he might not have the correct responses)

“My tight…” wait 5 seconds
“Wet…” wait 5 seconds
“Throbbing” wait 5 seconds
“ kitty is aching for you, and I want to feel you inside of me right this very second” (Use your favorite choice of vagina description–I happen to love kitty).
”I want to ride you right now until you cum”.
Or, “What if I unzipped your pants right now and started sucking you. Because all I can do is think about it.”

I know, these are words you are not comfortable with. I’m Catholic—and there’s nothing like Catholic guilt, so I know it’s difficult. But there’s a point to this. The connection you will make with your partner will open doors to a companionship that you both need and will enjoy. (note: if you know your man is SUPER old fashioned, try using a more toned down, lady like language that gets the same point across)

STEP FOUR: Down to Business
Chances are when you make an early exit from the gathering, and when you are alone MAKE GOOD ON THE PROMISES—he will all of a sudden realize that he still has the ability to turn a woman on with just his presence—and there’s nothing like that feeling for a man.

ADDED SECRET ADVICE: It would make this the most erotic of experiences if you combine this tantric sex tip: Make eye contact when reaching orgasm. Right before he is ready to release, make sure to let him know you want him to look at you. This serves to quickly deepen your intimacy level and couple connection, and can make the experience absolutely earth shattering.

How To Seduce ANY Woman in 7 Steps

seduce a woman

Are you infatuated with a certain female? Are you coworkers, or internet friends– perhaps you met at a restaurant bar and haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.

Seducing a woman is an art form. It is, BY NO MEANS, a game. “Bros” who think they “got game” usually end up holding their manhood all by their lonesome at the end– it takes a real man to seduce a woman, so listen up and get ready to know exactly what you need to do to make this happen.

First and foremost, if you want to seduce a woman– or even getting her close to liking you– you need to be able to get her attention. This means standing out from the rest of the masses honing in on the same target. If you can be the kind of guy that girls want and desire, it makes seducing them the next natural step.

I tell this to both men and women, in order to prepare to receive love in your lives you have to value yourself, and become a valuable asset. This means you have to pay attention to your person, your work, your mind, your health, and the way you dress. At the end, everyone chooses a life partner by sizing up the assets that will be brought to a relationship. That is different for everybody, but the basics remain a constant. People tend to fall in love with people who can represent a long, stable, working and happy relationship. So the more you work on yourself to achieve the best possible you, the better.


Women are not that difficult to read. Most men just either try to hard and blow their chances straight out, or say something wrong at the wrong time. Timing , like in everything, is of essence. Therefore, focus on building sexual tension. This is usually not obtained by being forward. Most women HATE forward men, or men that are all in their space. Instead, take a backseat approach. Let her know you like her by telling her you like how she dances, or how beautiful her eyes are. If you work together– tell her something like ” I really admire how organized you are– it’s amazing to me”. Don’t make it obvious your intention is to seduce her. Make her wonder what’s on your mind.


Get close to her. If you want to seduce her, you need to get to know what makes her tick. Does she like the “alpha male” that will take over and make her feel safe and protected, does she prefer the “best friend” type of boyfriend, or is she the type of female that likes to maintain all the control. Listen to her conversation– I guarantee if she is at all receptive to seduction she will tell you EXACTLY what she is looking for within the first conversation. Take the cues she gives you to fit into her world, which will make you more likeable.  Don’t come on too strong when trying to get close– you may frighten her away. Be warm and friendly, and don’t hit on her the first night. Make sure before the end of the conversation that she knows you are an alpha male, by telling her just ONE thing about what you expect in the woman of your dreams– “she has to take care of herself, she has to love music”, etc. But keep it on the lighter side– no religion or politics. The idea you will transfer in her head is” “I can be that woman”. We all love a challenge.


The rules of texting are straight forward. the night time conversations and texting should be more on the flirty side, during the day, however, keep all conversations normal and do not refer to the flirty texts UNLESS SHE DOES. Live two telephone lives.  This will intrigue and confuse her, thereby making you a “more valuable” asset, and build up the sexual energy.


Build the sexual tension. So you have talked on the phone, maybe have gone out to lunch. (I know what you’re thinking– “Seducing her takes more than one day?”– the answer is YES. Unless she’s easy.) By now, she should feel a “tingle” each time you touch her accidentally or otherwise. This is where you make her crave your touch. Let your hand linger on her back, or her arm, Whisper something in her ear, play with her fingers when no one is watching. Build the sexual attraction right, and she will turn to putty.


The first dirty conversation. All those flirty texts border-lining on naughty have been culminating to the first phone sex/ text. This is a very important step NOT TO SKIP. If you take her to bed before this, you risk it not going as she imagined– but if you play it out first on the phone, you will know what makes her excited, thereby giving you a lead in the lovemaking department, and assuring yourself a successful outcome for the first encounter. Start simple, ask her a question that seems innocent but can lead to something dirty. “what are you wearing right now” will always get you there.


After the first dirty conversation, ask her out THE NEXT DAY. Please do not wait longer than that. She will feel used and everything that you have been building will come crashing down as she will start envisioning the 101 ways she wants to murder you.


At the end of the date, DO NOT TAKE HER TO BED! Just make out with her, passionately touch her, but save the sex for the one last night when she will be in your total control. Make sure to tell her that you enjoy everything about her– and that she is important to you.

Women are a mystery– but they are all pretty much moved the same way sexually. If she’s worth it, you will play it right. The 7 infallible steps I have just given you will assure you to have any woman that you set your eyes on. If played by key, it will also assure you the best sex of your life. Your welcome.



At the end of your S.P.A.C.E. -- EMBRACE! Look at the picture closely. There is actually a man underneath receiving a big and unexpected SMOOCH!

I’ve been posting the 100 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A LASTING RELATIONSHIP.  The single most important ingredient in every relationship is number 2 on that list (Not to give away number 1 yet, but number 1 has to do with how you love your mate).

Most of you would never guess it.  It is usually not present in people’s minds when one talks about a happy relationship– but let me tell you, EVERY SINGLE HAPPY RELATIONSHIP HAS IT.

What is it? Most people would think it’s love, sexual attraction, common goals or ideals, companionship.  It’s none of these.  Rule Number 2 to keep a lasting relationship has to do with what most people actually think should NOT be in a relationship– curious yet?

S.P.A.C.E. — Yes, space!  Maintaining individual identity and independence is the key to a well balanced and happy partnership.

When couples enter into a relationship, it is important to make room for space and privacy – privacy to include time to be spent together as well as time to be spent apart individually.

Being a couple does not mean being with each other all day every day… if you think that it is you are headed straight for a break-up at some point. Now, I am a firm believer that when you choose your life partner, you should share your lives in every way, never leaving one or the other behind.  However, every person requires a time to be with their respective friends and families, time to pursue their dreams and ambitions, time to participate in

their hobbies and interests… this is what made your partner fall in love with you to begin with, remember?

Here is the breakdown on how to maintain healthy space in a  relationship:

SSpend some time apart.  Most of us are able to accomplish this by working and going to our perspective jobs.  Being apart for a few hours a day ingratiates us to the time we will finally be spending together at the end of our long day.

PParticipate in hobbies or goals that define us as an individual in our relationship. Never lose your identity to your relationship or to your partner, you become boring that way– and no relationship survives on boring.

AAccept your partners need for some alone time too.  The fact that he/she may want to be with friends or workout or read should not make you feel insecure.  It is important for your partner to take care of himself in order to take care of you properly.

CConsider your partner’s feelings when tending to your needs.  If your partner requires attention because they feel down or there is something that he/she would like to do, this is NOT a good time for individual space.  This IS a partnership, and although space is important, your partner comes first.

EEmbrace your partner right after you’ve had your space. It’s a full circle, you need to show your partner how grateful you are to have him in your life, and how your space away from him served to make you love him more.  So, after you have had your loving time for yourself, surprise him with a big smooch!

Love is a recipe with many ingredients.  Space is very important, but it is only one of  many to be able to form practical happiness.  Love comes in all shapes and sizes–so just like everything else in a relationship, you have to pick and choose how much of an ingredient your love recipe requires.

In order to find out how much space is actually needed, start small. Take a little time for yourself today, remember who you are and what you need. Basically, if you find happiness within your day by doing so, odds are you will associate this happiness with the partner that allows you to have it. Then EMBRACE him!
-Your friend and Muse, Bella Bardot

How To Keep Those Wandering Eyes– On YOU!

Ever been in the position where your mate stares at a beautiful woman (or handsome man) while in your presence?  It’s happened to the best of us—if not all of us.

This has nothing to do with your mate being insensitive, or not loving you enough.  Simply stated, we are human, and we have a tendency to follow our instinct, sometimes to our own detriment.

I promised my readers the secret to keep your mate from ogling another in your presence.  It basically boils down to one simple concept: People in happy relationships are secure–period.

No matter how many questions I am asked regarding relationships, this always seems to be the key.  Security in a relationship only exists if a person is secure with him or herself.  When a person feels secure in their relationship, everyone else, no matter how beautiful or eye-catching, becomes secondary. Therefore, the temptation to have their interest piqued by someone else will lose its grip.

Men can’t resist a charming, funny, “un-clingy” mate who is in control of herself, the same goes for a woman who recognizes this in her man.  The next time you are with your man and a beautiful woman comes in a room, try pointing her out, for instance.  Let him know you also recognize beauty and are not threatened by it. This simple strategy has a double effect:

1) It allows the mate to look at the person without the discomfort and the guilt, and

2) It puts one in a position of superiority in the situation—taking the reigns back from the person being looked at and giving them back to you.

Genius, right?

Now let me spell this out… this does not mean you have to point out every single beautiful woman in the room—you know which ones you can’t ignore.  The same ones he can’t ignore.  So use the strategy wisely!

Soon enough, your mate will eventually learn by transference that although there might be someone with a bigger bosom or more muscles, YOU are the better package!


— Your Friend and Muse, Bella Bardot

El Antebrazo– La Manera De Llegarle Al Corazon?

Mamá me dio esta regla en la parte superior de la lista de “Las 100 Regalas Para Mantener Una Relación Duradera”. Yo no me di cuenta hasta más tarde que el motivo porque esta regla estaba en la parte superior de la lista, era porque también es la mejor manera de coquetear, y obtener y mantener la atención del ser deseado

La Regla número 22 es: Toque el antebrazo de tu pareja cuando hable con él o ella. Ahora, esto no tiene que suceder en todas las conversaciones, pero cuanto más lo hace uno , como un gesto natural en una conversación, más le llega uno adentro del  corazón del ser amado.

En realidad hay un par de factores científico detrás de este gesto. La primera es que la parte inferior del antebrazo es lisa y altamente sensible debido a la capa de piel delgada. La segunda es que la parte superior del antebrazo es también extremadamente sensible, debido a los folículos del pelo que están  llenos de nervios. El antebrazo, por lo tanto, es tan perceptivo a la sensación, que es una de las rutas más fáciles así a las emociones de una persona. Recuerde esto: tocar el antebrazo es tocar el corazón.

Pruebe usted esto la próxima vez que usted se ve  involucrado en una conversación con el sexo opuesto – toque el antebrazo (ya sea superior o inferior), mientras que usted está hablando, y solamente por un momento. Usted debe notar que el contacto visual directo se estimula entre usted y la persona que está sosteniendo la conversación.

En una relación, o en un matrimonio, la comunicación es la clave para su estabilidad. Tenemos que asegurarnos de que nuestro compañero entienda que estamos “presente” en la conversación que estamos manteniendo con el/ella. La forma más sencilla para reforzar esto es tocar el antebrazo mientras hablamos con ellos, especialmente si le estamos pidiendo algo.

¿Por qué es importante tocar el antebrazo, cuando se le solicita algo a nuestra pareja? El toque del antebrazo se conoce como un toque para la conformidad debido a que este gesto intenta dirigir la conducta de esa persona, y muy a menudo, también  influye en sus actitudes o sentimientos.

(En un estudio realizado por Willis y Hamm (1980), los participantes se les pidió que firmaran una petición. Mientras que el 55% de los que no se les tocaba el antebrazo se ponían de acuerdo en firmar,  un 81% de los participantes tocados en el antebrazo firmaron la misma petición. En un segundo estudio la gente fueron pedida que rellenaran un cuestionario. Los que no se tocaron en el antebrazo y la llenaron fue un total del 40%;  sin embargo, los que se tocaron en el antebrazo cuando se les pidió que la rellenaran resulto en el 70% decir que si.)

Así que hay algo de sustancia a la regla número 22. Personalmente, desde que me introdujo esta regla mi Madre,  inconscientemente la he utilizó en todos los aspectos de la vida, y no puede dejar de pensar que he tenido muchas más puertas abiertas para mí por motivo de  él. Por lo tanto,  prueben este consejo amigos y amigas, creo que será una grata sorpresa para ustedes ver los resultados!

– Se despide el día de hoy,  su Musa y Servidora, Bella Bardot


Mom gave me this rule towards the the top of the list– Rule Number 22 (out of 100) To Keep A Lasting Relationship. I didn’t figure out until later that it was towards the top because it is also the best way to flirt , and grab and keep your desired ones attention.

Rule Number 22 is :  Touch Your Mate’s Forearm When You Speak To Him/Her.   Now, this doesn’t have to happen in every conversation, but the more you do it, as a natural gesture in a conversation, the more you carve your way inside their heart.

There are actually a couple of physical (or scientific) factors behind this move.  The first is that the smooth underside in a forearm is highly sensitive due to the thinner skin layer. The second is the top of  forearm is also extra- sensitive due to the nerve-filled hair follicles.  The forearm, therefore, is so highly perceptive to sensation that it is one of the easier routes to a person’s emotions. Remember this: touch the forearm, touch the heart.

Try this the next time that you are involved in a conversation with the opposite sex-– touch the forearm (either upper or lower) while you are speaking, and for just a moment.  you should notice that direct eye contact becomes keener between you and the person you are holding the conversation with.

In a relationship, or in a marriage, communication is the key to its survival.  We need to make sure that our mate understands that we are “present” in the conversation that we are holding with them. The easiest way to reinforce this is by touching their forearm while speaking to them, especially if on is asking for something.

Why is it important to touch the forearm when requesting something form our mate?  the forearm touch is known as a touch for compliance because it attempts to direct  the behavior that person, and often, also to influence  their attitudes or feelings.

(In a study by Willis and Hamm (1980), participants were asked to sign a petition. While 55% of those not touched agreed to sign it, this went up to 81% of those participants touched once on the forearm. A second study asked people to fill in a questionnaire. The same touch increased compliance from 40% to 70%.)

So there’s something of substance to Rule Number 22.  Personally, since being told of the rule I have subconsciously used it in all areas of life, and can’t help to think that I have had a lot more doors open to me because of it.  So try it friends, I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

-Your Friend and Muse, Bella Bardot