Archive for January, 2016

Why We Are Attracted To The Wrong People by Bella Bardot

We’ve all felt disappointed or hurt by a relationship in the past, and we tend to carry the memory of this wound into our current search for a relationship.If a wound from the past is still active within you, you will be attracted to people who “remind” you of that wound.

For example, have you ever seen someone start a relationship with a girl that looked EXACTLY like the ex girlfriend who betrayed him? Or that shared her same character traits?

It is believed that your subconscious is programmed to attract people who activate your wounds as a way of working out an old, unresolved, or very painful issue.

According to relationship research, we all have a “wounded self” and a “spiritual self”.The wounded self is the part that feels incomplete and flawed, so it is constantly (and erroneously) in search of a person to fit that empty space left as a result of the wound.

It will look for people who resemble the cause of the pain (although we will try to lie to ourselves by saying that we have a ” certain type”). The truth is we are not fooling those around us, just ourselves.Looking for love from this part of the self, we will do everything to obtain the closest measurement of that initial wound, physically, emotionally, and in character traits.

The problem is, from the onset, your wounded self is trying to “make things right”, so you will never be working from a point in the relationship where everything is new to both of you. Unknowingly to your new love interest, you’ve been there before, and this time around you are going to get it right in front of others (it is your ego taking control).

Old and pent up issues will eventually prevail, and what initially attracted you will start to feel like you have sold yourself short. By getting into this relationship you were answering to a your smaller self directed by the ego to find validation and completion.

The wounded self believes once it replaces with “similar” it will be happy. But happiness will remain elusive, because you didn’t fall in love from your higher, spiritual self. You will always feel like something is missing with the new person, and it will in one way or another, always feel incomplete.

When you follow your “spiritual self”, the self that knows how valuable you truly are, and what you are truly capable of obtaining, you will find yourself attracting people of unsurmountable worth to your side.

These people are usually very desired, both physically, mentally and spiritually by others because their qualities are so distinguished. They will complete you in such a way that together you seem unstoppable, which is the feeling that we get around “power couples”.

Your higher self will allow itself to recognize that you deserve such a person to reflect you in your relationship, and your life usually takes off like a rocket in all aspects, with much approving friends and a happy and content heart.

By identifying with your higher “spiritual self” you will most certainly find the perfect love for you.Your spiritual self knows what to look for, it’s your wounded self that won’t let you take a step in that direction.

Take a good look at who is attracting you right now. You may notice that you are looking at people that look to be at polar ends.Be very careful when leaning towards the side that everyone around you (but you) recognizes is the side trying to repair a wrong by picking characteristics and physical traits that resemble your old wound!

The other end of the spectrum might find you fighting with your own heart, and finding a million excuses on why they don’t fit your description of “perfect”.  However, if this person seems highly desirable and valuable to most, and your friends scratch their heads wondering what you’re waiting for, it’s probably your “wounded self”keeping you from happiness.

If the other end of the spectrum makes you feel warm and fuzzy, but a little scared,you might want to push yourself in that direction. Get out if your own way, and kick your wounded self to the curb. Happiness awaits!

-XO, Bella Continue reading