Archive for April, 2015


men-women-understandingOK. I’m going to state what I know goes through a lot of your heads.

Most of you know I own a bodycare line based on ancient recipes (yes, some are love potions) and some of you know of my endeavors on TV and in the media. Some may also be aware of a book that will be coming out soon that I’ve penned about relationships.

But what seems to be on everyone’s mind is HOW.

How I’ve managed to be in a long-standing relationship with a man who has one of the most difficult jobs (translate that into difficult character) and yet be wooed constantly by online male friends and fans with no end in sight, without it affecting neither my  home life nor my business persona as a “modern muse”.


And guess what? It has nothing to do with physical attributes or personality.

Before I give you the SECRET I need to give you background on information I have gathered on the male gender.

The hormone called testosterone actually causes the male brain to be more focused on goals and feelings of control.  As a result, men tend to focus more on various “missions” than on women.

While women are more likely to define their lives based on the current status of their relationships, men have a tendency to give greater importance to whatever mission they are on.

A mission can be anything from gaining recognition at work to finishing repairs on a motorcycle. The various missions he strives for will change over time. When something is wrong men want to fix it, they don’t want to talk about it.

At this point any demands from anyone (his mother, his girlfriend, or whoever) to explain himself will not create positive feelings.

Men value their freedom intensely.  Men like to feel in control. The moment you try to shift this control from his hands he will pull back farther.

OK. So now that you understand the core concept here’s my SECRET to keeping male attention, and it’s what I like to call Bella’s Butterfly Effect.

Butterflies are beautiful.  Do you know what makes them even more beautiful? They rarely linger long enough to satisfy our desire to gaze at them.  They happily move along in their pursuit of other flowers and other nectar somewhere nearby, but not as close as we’d like.

To use the butterfly effect correctly, you must do three things.

1) Make sure he understands he is SECURE in your relationship with you (let him know you find him sexy, that you can’t wait to be with him)

2) Give him his FREEDOM. He needs to be the one in control, let him have it his way. Give him all the space he needs by not pursuing him after you make him aware that you are there for him.

3) Let him miss you, so that he feels POSITIVE ANTICIPATION AND LONGING TO BE WITH YOU.

Ultimately, our longing for any given person is based on the emotions we experience when we are in their presence.  If he feels a little bit of lust, excitement, happiness, interest, intrigue and fun when he is in your presence, you have a winning combination. You’ll intoxicate him, and he’ll only want more.

So the underlying formula for getting a man to want you more comes down to how you make him feel when he’s in your presence.

In real life all of the above may translate to this scenario: when he pulls away or becomes distant, you answer with a brief check-in to deliver a batch of freshly baked cookies or a sexy text, mentioning that you can’t stay long (or talk) because you have a plan to meet up with several of your friends to watch a good movie at the theater.  Be busy and somewhat elusive.

He will come to you faster when he senses that you are off having a good time living life.  He will be drawn to you, and you will have bypassed one of the most common causes of relationship decline by not demanding answers from him when he wants to pull away.

Now these are not “games” or “tricks”. They are shortcuts to a loving and fruitful relationship. The faster we as woman understand that men are innately different creatures that don’t react or feel the way we do about things, the faster we will learn to interact with them.

Most happily married and committed couples already behave in this fashion and the women use these techniques without thinking about it because they are confident in themselves and love their partners.

Loving someone is not just a feeling.  It’s also a choice.  There is a lot of beauty in relationships that involve sustained, purposeful effort to actively love a partner, even when life gets stressful.

Now go be that beautiful butterfly, and see how your man won’t be able to do anything else but watch you in amazement. Beautiful-Butterflies-3-yorkshire_rose-12069551-1024-768-Bella