THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP

At the end of your S.P.A.C.E. -- EMBRACE! Look at the picture closely. There is actually a man underneath receiving a big and unexpected SMOOCH!

I’ve been posting the 100 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A LASTING RELATIONSHIP.  The single most important ingredient in every relationship is number 2 on that list (Not to give away number 1 yet, but number 1 has to do with how you love your mate).

Most of you would never guess it.  It is usually not present in people’s minds when one talks about a happy relationship– but let me tell you, EVERY SINGLE HAPPY RELATIONSHIP HAS IT.

What is it? Most people would think it’s love, sexual attraction, common goals or ideals, companionship.  It’s none of these.  Rule Number 2 to keep a lasting relationship has to do with what most people actually think should NOT be in a relationship– curious yet?

S.P.A.C.E. — Yes, space!  Maintaining individual identity and independence is the key to a well balanced and happy partnership.

When couples enter into a relationship, it is important to make room for space and privacy – privacy to include time to be spent together as well as time to be spent apart individually.

Being a couple does not mean being with each other all day every day… if you think that it is you are headed straight for a break-up at some point. Now, I am a firm believer that when you choose your life partner, you should share your lives in every way, never leaving one or the other behind.  However, every person requires a time to be with their respective friends and families, time to pursue their dreams and ambitions, time to participate in

their hobbies and interests… this is what made your partner fall in love with you to begin with, remember?

Here is the breakdown on how to maintain healthy space in a  relationship:

SSpend some time apart.  Most of us are able to accomplish this by working and going to our perspective jobs.  Being apart for a few hours a day ingratiates us to the time we will finally be spending together at the end of our long day.

PParticipate in hobbies or goals that define us as an individual in our relationship. Never lose your identity to your relationship or to your partner, you become boring that way– and no relationship survives on boring.

AAccept your partners need for some alone time too.  The fact that he/she may want to be with friends or workout or read should not make you feel insecure.  It is important for your partner to take care of himself in order to take care of you properly.

CConsider your partner’s feelings when tending to your needs.  If your partner requires attention because they feel down or there is something that he/she would like to do, this is NOT a good time for individual space.  This IS a partnership, and although space is important, your partner comes first.

EEmbrace your partner right after you’ve had your space. It’s a full circle, you need to show your partner how grateful you are to have him in your life, and how your space away from him served to make you love him more.  So, after you have had your loving time for yourself, surprise him with a big smooch!

Love is a recipe with many ingredients.  Space is very important, but it is only one of  many to be able to form practical happiness.  Love comes in all shapes and sizes–so just like everything else in a relationship, you have to pick and choose how much of an ingredient your love recipe requires.

In order to find out how much space is actually needed, start small. Take a little time for yourself today, remember who you are and what you need. Basically, if you find happiness within your day by doing so, odds are you will associate this happiness with the partner that allows you to have it. Then EMBRACE him!
-Your friend and Muse, Bella Bardot

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    • goodluckcharmsthatwork
    • March 19th, 2012

    Grazie, Bella!

    • Bill
    • October 12th, 2012

    Trust? What is S.P.A.C.E. without trust? In fact, what is anything in relationship without trust? Just sayin’

    • Hi Bill!

      That is correct! Trust is a part of “A” in S.P.A.C.E.

      A– Accept your partners need for some alone time too. The fact that he/she may want to be with friends or workout or read should not make you feel insecure. It is important for your partner to take care of himself in order to take care of you properly.

      HERE”S MY PERSONAL IDEA OF TRUST, THOUGH–
      Again, you can only trust your partner if you trust you are the best thing in their life! When one suffers from a lack of trust, it usually means that one mainly suffers from a lack of self esteem.

      For instance, in my personal relationship I believe I am giving the best of myself to my partner (which includes listening to his needs) If my partner one day decides to make a mistake and damage our relationship– I firmly believe that it would be a sign of HIS issues, and it would have nothing to do with me, he believes the same.

      This has been the key in our lives to maintain a healthy and happy relationship. We CHOOSE to be together, we ADD to each-others lives– together, we make a great SET, and we BOTH recognize that! (By the way, this has worked so well that out of everyone on earth there is no one we would rather be next to than each other… we have become each other’s home. So, by default, there is no need to have a lack of trust, TRUST has become an innate part of our relationship!

      Thanks for your comments!

      -Bella

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