I’ve been fat. I’ve been skinny.  I’ve been blonde.  I’ve been brunette.  And everything in between.


Through all the ups and downs, the lows and the highs, there has been one true thing throughout– the passion in my love life.   Many women hold the misconception that you have to look a certain way to be happy in a relationship, and have a fulfilling sex life– I am living proof that such an idea is false.

As time goes by, you add those fine lines and things that start going south– and you quickly want to start becoming friends with the local plastic surgeon– and although I hold nothing against procedures if they help you with your self confidence, I have seen a lot of friends lose their “natural” beauty to the knife.

I received a great deal of mail this week that  focused one way or another on questions regarding feeling sexy in the bedroom– when you might not feel so sexy in the mirror. It seems that there are a bunch  of you that are giving up being intimate with your mate because of your lack of confidence. BIG MISTAKE!


Some women (especially those that are in the media limelight) have focused their energy on staying fit and healthy– and pumping out 3-4 hour Pilate sessions a day, while eating a mountain of grass to keep them thin.  If that’s you– I am jealous!  With four kids and about 400 jobs, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to go the “spinning class”  — my spinning gets done at home running after my four year old, and my nutrition sometimes revolves around chicken nuggets and rice crispies.  It’s not great– but its REALITY!

So how have I maintained a spark in the bedroom through the doom and the gloom times?  Here are the 5 secrets that have helped me maintain my self confidence:


1.  The Right Scent.  Mom taught me this decades ago– men perceive a woman’s weight to be up to 12 pounds lighter when she wears a floral-spice fragrance. When a woman wears a citrus and spice scent, studies show she feels more sensual, so the perfume may affect her behavior and thus indirectly increase her attractiveness.  And there has been some good news reporting claims that the smell of cinnamon can boost male erection.  I have used all of the above to my benefit, and maintain them in my daily routine.


2. The White T-Shirt. Men are visual creatures. Here’s a new way to catch his eye that I discovered: Toss on a t shirt and slip into the shower with him (spring break style)– what it boils down to: security for you– wet t-shirt fantasy for him.


3. STOP RUSHING! Take the time to lovingly enjoy each others body (in case you haven’t noticed– odds are he’s been aging right along with you and might be having some body issues of his own.) Exchange sexy compliments, you will feel more connected to him and as a result, more secure in yourself.


4. Candles.  Mood lighting goes a long way– not only is candlelight flattering– you can train your brain (and his) to see them as a signal that its time to have fun.  Studies show that conditioned arousal helps override self-confidence.


5. Love Your Period.  Yes– your period.  Not only is it a fact that you feel “thinner” right after your period, but a rise in testosterone during this part of your cycle increases your desire to initiate sex, and a spike in estrogen can make you feel more confident (sexually).  Use this time to your benefit and keep active with your guy– it will keep you from falling into a rut.


A woman has the right to reinvent herself– or not.  Whatever shape you are, whatever “gift wrapping” you were delivered in, makes absolutely no difference to the treasure that’s inside you.  And ladies, make no mistake about it, it’s that little “treasure” that he’s most interested in, so stop keeping it to yourselves! Give it up to your guy– you’d be surprised how these little steps will help you break out of your shell!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: