Archive for January, 2012

5 Secretos Para Levantar Tu Auto Estima En Tu Vida Amorosa

He sido gorda. He sido flaca. He sido rubia. He sido triguena. Y todo en el medio.

Entre las altas y las bajas, solamente una cosa no ha cambiado—la pasion que mantengo en mi vida romantica. Muchas mujeres tienen el concepto erroneo de que uno tiene que lucir de sierta manera para ser feliz en su relacion y para poder sentirse realizada en sus relaciones sexuales. Yo soy prueba en carne y hueso de que esa idea es falsa.

Al pasar el tiempo, se nos agregan esas “arruguitas”, y algunas otras cositas empiesan a “marchar” hacia el sur—y inmediatamente uno quiere hacerse amiga del cirujano plastico de la esquina—y aunque pienso que una puede hacerse procedimientos si  te ayuda con la confianza propia, he visto a muchas amigas perder su belleza “natural” debajo del cuchillo.

He recibido mucha correspondencia referente al cuerpo de la mujer y la confianza propia en el nido amoroso. Muchas de ustedes me han preguntado como se pueden sentir mas “sexy” tanto en el cuarto como en el espejo. Aparentemente, tengo bastantes amigas que no estan teniendo relaciones amorosas por falta de confianza propia en sus cuerpos. QUE ERROR!!

Algunas mujeres (especialmente algunas en el medio artistico) han enfocado su energia en el ejercicio y en mantenerse saludables—con 3-4 horas en el gimnasio y comiendo montanas de yerbas para mantenerse delgadas—si esta eres tu, estoy celosa! Con cuatro ninos y como cuatrocientos trabajos, no tengo ni el tiempo ni la inclinacion para ir a montarme en una bicilcleta para hacer ejercicio. Mi ejercicio consiste de mi nino de cuatro anos, y mi alimentacion usualmente consiste de “chicken nuggets” y meriendas juveniles. Nada bueno—pero REALISTA .

Entonces, como he mantenido la atraccion sexual en mi vida romantica a travez de los tiempos? Aqui les doy los 5 secretos que me han ayudado a mantener mi confianza propia en mi vida romantica (con celulitis o no)

1. La Fragrancia Correcta.  Mi madre me enseno hace muchas decadas que los hombres perciben el peso de la mujer como siendo 12 libras menos cuando ellas usan una fragrancia de flor y especia mezclada. Cuando la mujer usa la fragrancia con una mezcla de especia y citricos, estudios han ensenado que la mujer se siente mas sensual, asi que el perfume puede afectar su comportamiento y puede afectar indirectamente su atraccion. Han habido estudios buenos recientemente sobre el olor a canela y la erreccion masculina, que dicen que cuando los hombres perciben el olor de la canela, se sienten estimulados sexualmente.  Yo he utilizado todos estas fraganzias a mi beneficio y las he mantenido en mi rutina diaria.

2. La Camiseta Blanca. Los hombres son visuales. Aqui esta una manera nueva que he descubierto para estimularlo visualmente: Ponte una camiseta blanca (t-shirt) y entra en el bano la proxima vez que el se este banando. Esto te ayudara a mantenerte cubierta sin que vea muchas cosas que tanto tu tratas de ocultar, y al mismo tiempo le da una fantasia INOLVIDABLE a el. Esta te la recomiendo!

3. Toma Tu Tiempo. Empieza a carinosamente acariciar el cuerpo de el (quizas no te has dado cuenta, pero seguro que el cuerpo de el tambien esta cambiando, y puede ser que el se sienta un poco mal en los mismos aspectos). Intercambia frases sexy, dile lo tanto que te gusta–te sentiras mas conectada con el, y como resultado, mas segura de ti misma.

4. La Velitas. No solamente uno se ve mejor en este tipo de luz, sino tambien estudios dicen que uno puede entrenar el cerebro para senalar que es hora de tener un buen tiempo. Estos mismos estudios senalan que el despertar el apetito sexual de esta manera ayuda a levantar un auto estima bajo.

5. Dale Buena Cara A tu Menstruacion. Si, tu menstruacion. Es un hecho que una se siente mas delgada la semana despues de la menstruacion, y una subida en los niveles de testosterona durante esta parte de tu ciclo sube tus deseos de iniciar el sexo; al igual, niveles mas altos de estrogeno te puede ayudar a sentirte mas confiada (sexualmente). Utiliza este tiempo a tu beneficio manteniendote sexualmente activa con tu pareja.

La mujer tiene el derecho a reinvertarse—o no. No importa en que forma tengas, porque no importa el “envolvimiento” lo que importa es el regalo que esta dentro. Y amigas, este es el “tesorito” que le importa a nuestra pareja—asi que a la obra, deja que habran el regalo—no lo escondas mas! Te sorprenderas como estos pasitos te ayudaran a liberarte, y a hacerte sentirte feliz y llena de auto estima!

–Bella

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SECRET TO ENHANCING FEMALE AROUSAL…

There are certain products in the market right now that are claiming to enhance female sexual arousal and the pleasure a woman experiences during intercourse. They claim to boost a woman’s desire and add pleasure to her partner’s experience. The first time I saw a commercial I thought “wow—that could be a wonder tool…”

After fifteen years of marriage and four children later—you start to reach the bottom of the treasure chest, you know what I mean? So all kinds of thoughts started going through my head about the product.  “What is it like?”  “Does it feel funny?” “Does it sting?”  “Does it taste good?” (Yes…“DOES IT TASTE GOOD?”).

Science never fails to bewilder me, and I thought for the first time, maybe someone had come to knock over what had been taught from female to female in the generations in my family about secret weapons to help with female arousal.

I often refer to Old Mother in most of my blogs.  For those of you who follow me, you know that Old Mother is my great-great grandmother and one of the lady’s in my family that helped carry down wonderful herbal, spice and floral recipes that we use in our everyday life.

(see Picture of Old Mother below)

I can imagine what you’re thinking. And yes, this lady would actually sit fanning herself as she rocked on our front porch in Cuba—talking to my mother and my grandmother about female arousal.  These old ladies had sex in their hey day,  and they liked it—where did you think they got so many grandchildren from—a cabbage patch?

 

Before I go on to tell you one of Old Mother’s secrets that was handed down to her to help with female arousal, I am going to talk further about some of the arousal products on the market today.

Used by women around the world to battle the sexual side effects from menopause, birth control, sexual dysfunction, or maybe just the actual side effect of monogamy– the arousal products on the market today may seem like an answer—even a blessing—for some.  But what are they?  What the heck makes them work?

My curiosity led me on a quest to find these answers, to see if they could actually top what I had been using for years–my secret, “little weapon” that brings down my 6 foot tall husband to his knees…literally. (teehee) I will let you know about my secret weapon in a bit.

First, here’s what I found out about the current arousal products on the market:

 

What they do:

  • Create a rush of pleasure and increased  sensitivity
  • Helps reach the peak of sexual pleasure more quickly
  • Increases the intensity of satisfaction

How they work:

  • Massage a small amount directly to the intimate area
  • Some of the products claim to be all natural ingredients, heightening arousal and sensitivity– some list their main ingredients as being propylene glycol and niacin, which they claim are what helps the female reach arousal

Extra Incentives:

  • Might come in different “flavors”
  • Most are reported to  give you a “tingly” or “warming” sensation

It is important for women to keep in mind that the area of the body that these products are intended for is highly absorptive, and that these ingredients will be very quickly circulated through the body.

Keeping that in mind, I want you to know that propylene glycol can be found in anti freeze.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anything having to do with anti freeze anywhere near my Netherlands.

Niacin, too, has its sour points—as it has been associated with birth defects in laboratory animals, with possible consequences for infant development in pregnant women. Although to be fair, according to the study that raised this claim, I must include that this has been found only in doses used to lower cholesterol when taking niacin internally.

The arousal products that claim to be natural on the market today have a myriad of ingredients on an oil base (which acts as a natural lubricant). Its side effects will generally be isolated to skin irritation and allergic reaction. Some women have complained of a burning sensation instead of the intended tingling. Other women have experienced some itching and swelling of the genitals after use. Though most complaints are minor, they still can be fairly uncomfortable and bothersome.

Nevertheless, all the products, whether natural or scientifically engineered, have to be applied topically. A woman massages the oil onto her genitals to get results. Typically, she will experience a tingling sensation to the area. While most women “feel” it working (mostly due to sensory sensation), it’s still uncertain whether it’s the oil, or the process of application (which is essentially the rubbing of the clitoris) that makes them seem to work. I’m all for anything that will invite myself or my husband into the foreplay arena, so I like this already—whether or not it works–but, with a cost range from $27 to $90 per bottle or pack—some might find it to be another reason to use the old “headache” excuse.

Now, let’s talk about the secret “little weapon” recipe that has been handed down in my family for years.  Its simple, it’s inexpensive, you can get it anywhere, and it tastes good.  As a matter of fact, most of us eat it everyday already– from our coffee to our cakes—at one time or another, most of us have it—CINNAMON.

One of the oldest spices known to mankind, cinnamon is a natural female stimulant.  For centuries, it has been known to incite passion and arousal in women.  Studies have also shown that the smell of cinnamon arouses sexual desire in the male.

So how do you use it? SPARINGLY.  The trick to cinnamon on the female area is to use a dab—just enough to get the juices flowing, so to speak.  Cinnamon can be highly irritating to the skin and to the mucous membranes if you use too much, so try it out, a little at a time.  Make a game of it (that’s what we do).  It’s supposed to tingle a little—if it starts to burn a little, that’s ok too (if you’re the type to actually like a little spanking in the boudoir, you might like this– A LOT).  Of course, if you’re allergic to cinnamon it’s best to stay away from this recipe altogether.

If you feel you need a bit more stimulation—mix the cinnamon with honey (which can boost the levels of nitric oxide/nitrite in the bloodstream and can cause engorgement of the clitoris in a woman.)  Again, use just a bit, you want gliding action, not a penis trap.

So the next time you are in the mood for a little “arousal” of your spirit and female body parts, go for the spice rack before you head off to your local pharmacy.

-Bella

5 RULES ON HOW TO TAME YOUR MAN AND MAKE HIM “INTO YOU”

I get a lot of questions and requests emailed to me by my friends. Among the many things that  I find myself answering over and over again through the years is this little question about the opposite sex – “Bella, how I can tame my husband or my boyfriend so he could be more into me?”

My friends know I’m happily married to a man that has a very strong character; whose chosen  profession keeps him on high alert and working at a level of stress that can affect his family relationships easily. However, he’s content in the nest I’ve created for us, and although he’s commanding at work– at home, he is happy to give me my ‘crown’. At the same time, he praises me and shows me affection and unconditional love – how have I accomplished this?

The first rule is one you are not going to like, ladies. The main rule to tame your man is to accept him for who is right now. This means no nagging, no scolding, no looks that could kill. Accept your man as he is – with all its flaws that bother you. It is the only way you can level the playing field and be able to take this relationship where you want to go. If the man feels that he is always criticized, he will start seeing you as an enemy, and as someone that he can not trust. Conversely, if he thinks that you accept him for who he is and that you love him unconditionally, he is more open to receiving your advice—thereby creating an open doorway that you can potentially go through in order to get what you want.

The second rule: Appreciate the things he does now. Doesn’t send flowers? (but he’s a good father) Does not whisper sweet things in your ear? (but never misses dinner time at home with you) Becomes impossible when the “game” is on? (but has no vices). Find the good things that you like about him and wouldn’t want to see change. Start to praise him for these virtues BIG TIME! This will not only help you remember the good things in your relationship, but it will help him feel like a better man, one that is appreciated by you.  Studies have shown that the biggest reason a man is unfaithful is because he doesn’t feel appreciated—so praising him for the good things he does now will only perpetuate happiness in the relationship.

The third rule: Transference. This rule is really just rule number two—taken the distance. Start telling your beloved just how important he is to you. Explain that when you’re away at work, all that you can do is think about how your favorite place to be is right next to him, just watching TV.  Tell him how you can’t wait to be next to him because that’s your safe zone, and there is nothing better than when the two of you are together (he might look at you as if you’re crazy at first, but trust me, THIS WORKS!) Tell him he’s your best friend – that no one in the world could take his place. Pour it on. THICK.

The fourth rule: Pat him on the head. Did you know patting someone on the head gives you the position of power? (Like our parents patted us when we were children – or as you would pat a puppy’s head) The next time you’re cuddling, pat him on the head in a loving way, mixing it with gentle strokes. Your mate will subliminally interpret this as you having the power position. The man needs to feel pampered and protected – and when intimately caressed this way, he will transfer his trust to you over his body and being.

The final rule: Ask him for things in a low voice. Men hate the loud pitch a woman can make when she’s angry or in a hurry—it makes them feel belittled, and they tend to run from a woman like that – and many times they run straight into the arms of someone else. So from now on, ask him things quietly.  You can make it sexy or you can make it girlish. Try to hug him or caress him when you are asking for what you want in this low tone—and you’re sure to succeed. The reasoning behind this is that men can argue with logic all day long, but they fall short on how to argue with feelings, so if you’re making him feel good, he will argue less about giving you what you want.

Lastly, as the daughter of my mother, if the above does not work as fast as you would like, as the Queen of Salsa,Celia Cruz, once sang – “mix a brew of lemon, mint and brown sugar without shame”… but those tips, ladies, are for another article altogether! (hehe)

DISCLAIMER:

If you’re in a relationship with an abusive partner or if your partner has a problem with alcohol or addiction – these tips are not for you. If you are in a relationship with these types of issues, please seek appropriate professional help.  These are not your problems to fix alone, because there is nothing that you’re doing wrong to begin with!

COMO DOMAR AL HOMBRE “INDOMABLE”

Mira que me preguntan cosas ustedes mis amigas!  Entre las tantas cosas que hace anos me encuentro respondiendo una y otra vez, nunca falta esta preguntita del sexo opuesto– “Bella, como puedo dominar a mi marido o a mi novio para sentirme yo mas en control de nuestra relacion?

Mis amigas que me conocen saben que estoy felizmente casade con un hombre de caracter fuerte, cuya profesion lo mantiene en alerta y en un nivel de estress que puede afectar a sus relaciones familiares. Sin embargo, el esta feliz y tranquilo en el nido que le he formado; y aunque el manda en su trabajo, en nuestro hogar, se siente feliz de darme mi “corona”. Al mismo tiempo, me alaba y me demuestra carino y amor incondicional– como he logrado esto?

La primera regla no les va a gustar, damas.  La regla PRINCIPAL para domar a un hombre requiere aceptarlo tal y como es. Esto quiere decir no pleito, no reganos, no miradas que matan.  Acepta a tu hombre tal y como es– con todo y sus defectos que te molestan.  Es la unica manera que puedes nivelar el terreno para poder llevarlo a donde quieres.  Si el hombre se siente que siempre lo criticas o que no lo quieres por como el es, te va a ver como una enemiga– como a alguien en cual el no puede confiar.  Al contrario, si el piensa que lo aceptas y lo quieres incondicionalmente, estara abierto para recibir tus consejos, y lo prodras empujar que tome el camino que tu quieras.

La segunda regla:  Aprecia las cosas que el hace ahora.  No es detallista?  (pero es buen padre?) No te dice cosas bonitas? (pero nunca falta a la cena) Le gusta ver demasiadolos juegos de futbol y se pone imposible? (pero no tiene vicios).  Encuentra las cosas buenas que el tiene y empieza a alabarlo EN GRANDE por esas virtudes!  Esto no solo te ayudara a recordarte de las cosas buenas de tu relacion, pero tambien lo hara a el sentirse como mejor hombre, y se sentira que es apreciado por ti– algo que cuando falta en una relacion, da paso para la infidelidad.

La tercera regla:  Tranferencia.  Es tomar la segunda regla y llevarle un poco mas lejos.  Empieza a decirle a tu amado lo tan importante que el es para ti. Explicale que durante el dia no vez la hora de poder llegar a su lado (aunque al principio te mire como si te volvistes loca– haganmen caso, FUNCIONA!) Dile a el que el es tu mejor amigo– que no hay nadie en el mundo que ocupe su lugar.  En fin, derramale amor a versos.

La cuarta regla: PASALE LA MANO.  Sabes que pasarle la mano a alguien por la cabeza te da la posicion de poder? (como nuestros padres nos la pasaban– o como se la pasamos a un cachorro o a un gatito).  Cuando esten en su nido, pasale la manito por la cabeza, acariciandolo frecuentemente asi.  Esto le dara la interpretacion (internamente) de que tienes pocision de poder.  El hombre necesita dejarse mimar y proteger– y en el momento intimo de acariciarlo de esta manera, el te transferira confianza con su cuerpo y su ser– algo que tu necesitas para poder domarlo.

La regla final– Pidele las cosas en voz baja.  Los hombres detestan la voz alta y quebrante de una mujer cuando piden algo de una manera poco femenina.  Tienden correr de una mujer asi– y muchos corren alos brazos de “la otra”.  Asi que de ahora en adelante, voz baja.  La pueden hacer sexy o de nina (a mi esposo le encanta cuando le hago la vocesita de nina– como me ve una mujer capaz a fuerte– me dice que le da gracia y se derrite). Se coqueta! Ya veras que rapido sedera a tus pedidos!

AL FIN, siendo hija de mi madre, si lo de arriba no funciona en el tiempo adecuado, como decia la Reina Celia Cruz –“hechale limon y menta y azucar prieta a ese sin verguenza!” Pero ya esos consejos son para otro articulo!

–Bella

DECLARACION:

(Si te encuentras en una relacion con una pareja abusiva o que tiene algun problema con adiccion– estos consejos  que estoy dando  no son para ti. Si estas en una relacion con estos tipos de problemas, lo menos que te debe de interesar es dominarlo– pues hay algo mas fuerte que esta jugando en la relacion, y tienen que buscar ayuda profesional adecuada. )

5 SECRETS TO BODY CONFIDENCE IN THE BEDROOM

I’ve been fat. I’ve been skinny.  I’ve been blonde.  I’ve been brunette.  And everything in between.

 

Through all the ups and downs, the lows and the highs, there has been one true thing throughout– the passion in my love life.   Many women hold the misconception that you have to look a certain way to be happy in a relationship, and have a fulfilling sex life– I am living proof that such an idea is false.

As time goes by, you add those fine lines and things that start going south– and you quickly want to start becoming friends with the local plastic surgeon– and although I hold nothing against procedures if they help you with your self confidence, I have seen a lot of friends lose their “natural” beauty to the knife.

I received a great deal of mail this week that  focused one way or another on questions regarding feeling sexy in the bedroom– when you might not feel so sexy in the mirror. It seems that there are a bunch  of you that are giving up being intimate with your mate because of your lack of confidence. BIG MISTAKE!

 

Some women (especially those that are in the media limelight) have focused their energy on staying fit and healthy– and pumping out 3-4 hour Pilate sessions a day, while eating a mountain of grass to keep them thin.  If that’s you– I am jealous!  With four kids and about 400 jobs, I don’t have the time nor the inclination to go the “spinning class”  — my spinning gets done at home running after my four year old, and my nutrition sometimes revolves around chicken nuggets and rice crispies.  It’s not great– but its REALITY!

So how have I maintained a spark in the bedroom through the doom and the gloom times?  Here are the 5 secrets that have helped me maintain my self confidence:

 

1.  The Right Scent.  Mom taught me this decades ago– men perceive a woman’s weight to be up to 12 pounds lighter when she wears a floral-spice fragrance. When a woman wears a citrus and spice scent, studies show she feels more sensual, so the perfume may affect her behavior and thus indirectly increase her attractiveness.  And there has been some good news reporting claims that the smell of cinnamon can boost male erection.  I have used all of the above to my benefit, and maintain them in my daily routine.

 

2. The White T-Shirt. Men are visual creatures. Here’s a new way to catch his eye that I discovered: Toss on a t shirt and slip into the shower with him (spring break style)– what it boils down to: security for you– wet t-shirt fantasy for him.

 

3. STOP RUSHING! Take the time to lovingly enjoy each others body (in case you haven’t noticed– odds are he’s been aging right along with you and might be having some body issues of his own.) Exchange sexy compliments, you will feel more connected to him and as a result, more secure in yourself.

 

4. Candles.  Mood lighting goes a long way– not only is candlelight flattering– you can train your brain (and his) to see them as a signal that its time to have fun.  Studies show that conditioned arousal helps override self-confidence.

 

5. Love Your Period.  Yes– your period.  Not only is it a fact that you feel “thinner” right after your period, but a rise in testosterone during this part of your cycle increases your desire to initiate sex, and a spike in estrogen can make you feel more confident (sexually).  Use this time to your benefit and keep active with your guy– it will keep you from falling into a rut.

 

A woman has the right to reinvent herself– or not.  Whatever shape you are, whatever “gift wrapping” you were delivered in, makes absolutely no difference to the treasure that’s inside you.  And ladies, make no mistake about it, it’s that little “treasure” that he’s most interested in, so stop keeping it to yourselves! Give it up to your guy– you’d be surprised how these little steps will help you break out of your shell!

 

–Bella